It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
