Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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