I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
