I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
