You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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