why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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