I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
