I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
