There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I believe in your delicious
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
