hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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