I cannot find my penis.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
