belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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