the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
