I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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