I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
