so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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