Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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