Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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