whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
