ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
