I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
