I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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