Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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