If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My liver just had a heart attack.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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