u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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