im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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