shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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