dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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