right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
