You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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