My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
