I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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