Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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