i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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