I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
