We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
