wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
