Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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