Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
