I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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