I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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