This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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