i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
