I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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