Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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