mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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