You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
