The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
