So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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