She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
