i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
