Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
