i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
