If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
