I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
