My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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