Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
