Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
