my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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