You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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