Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize