Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
