Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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