there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My life is pants optional.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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