If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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