p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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